How Dare You Ask Me About My Baby!

The other day I listened to a podcast hosted by a transgender woman and a cisgendered woman. I can't say that I really like the style they present in a whole lot, but the topic that was discussed has stuck with me for several days now. I've had the idea of this post percolating, and after taking time to think about it some more, here's my take on it.

The episode was basically the hosts taking a letter written by an older family member to a younger one, about her experience in dealing with a young couple with a newborn baby. This person's aunt employed a young couple, and wrote to the niece after the couple declined to tell the woman what the gender of their baby is.

I think that I see a lot of both sides of this topic. I think the hosts of the podcast failed to put themselves in the shoes of this older lady. Without getting too political (I hate politics!), that's a trouble spot for many, many people, the whole world over. We want people to walk in our shoes, but we often overlook the perspective of others. Back to the topic at hand.

Although it wasn't specified, I'm going to guess the age of the lady who wrote to her niece at about 50 years old. This is assuming the niece is an adult herself. Obviously the lady could be a fair amount younger, or older. The thing is, the world today is changing rapidly in many ways. Why is it so crazy that this woman asked the traditional question that people have asked each other about babies since pre-history: is it a boy or a girl?

As a person who'd like the world to see past my exterior and not make assumptions about what is inside, even I get the idea that this is a pretty normal question to ask. It's being polite and an attempt to bond, usually. I know there is no such thing as "normal". But this is as close to normal as questions get, I think. Being open to gender differences, or even "genderless", is a new concept, in the grand scheme of things.

Just think of the question itself: she wants to know the gender of the baby, in a binary manner. The hosts are correct in pointing out that she was actually interested in knowing the SEX of the baby, not the gender. They go too far in mocking the woman as being nosy as to the genitals of this child. I think they could have just pointed out the fact that the woman is not up to speed on the newer concept of gender being different than sex.

Unless you are a person who experiences gender dysphoria in some way, or know someone who falls outside the "norms" of binary gender, where the gender equates to the sexual characteristics, there is a good chance the distinction misses you altogether. How many people who grew up before all this became more mainstream even get the concept of sex and gender being different? For the majority of people, they ARE the same. So, to not separate them is pretty common and not really wrong. In my opinion.

Are more people becoming aware of the differences we speak of here? Yes. Thankfully. Will there be less people offended in the future by a couple choosing to keep the sexual characteristics vague so that their child is less tied to traditional norms than we were? Absolutely. We evolve as people. God gave us brains, and occasionally we do use them. But should we condemn someone who doesn't think as we do, who doesn't know what we know? No we shouldn't. It's a teaching moment, as they say.

That is not in any way to say let people be ignorant and purposely shut themselves off to being aware, if not sensitive to, the differences in a portion of the population. There are certainly plenty of those around, always will be. The same types that are scared to equate people who's skin color is different than theirs or speak a different language. I guess I'm just saying to use the teaching moment if possible. Maybe the young couple tried to explain to the older lady what they felt was right. Maybe they didn't. Maybe they mocked her like the podcast hosts did. We only see one side of the encounter. Think before condemning.

I'm going to wind this post up, but there is a second part, of sorts, that I'll post soon. It has to do with the idea that was presented regarding keeping the gender of the baby ambiguous or hidden, to allow the child to be what it is, rather than being thrown into the old binary boxes. Stay tuned for that. As always, please comment. Let me know what you think. I'd love to hear it.

Comments

Popular Posts