Just Go
I don't have a particular title for today's post. If, by the time I get to the end of it I have something clever, I'll change it. For now it's just musings.
I was just thinking, wouldn't it be interesting to reach a point where I was so used to wearing my feminine clothes that I forget about it altogether. Everything right now is either guys' or girl's'. My shirts are guys'. My jeans can be either. My shoes are girls'. And so on. I wonder will I reach the point someday that it doesn't even occur to me to think about what gender's clothes I'm wearing. At that time, will it just because of me, or society as a whole, i.e. genderless.
Genderless will be a long way off, I believe. Not likely in my lifetime. And how far I get, who knows. I'm still in the infant stages, even though I've been wearing women's clothes for over 30 years, off and on. The steps are small, but seem to happen a bit quicker now.
I think things are happening because I finally just want them to. I'm not as afraid of it. Right now, my living situation is in limbo, in terms of who is and isn't living with me. It seems I will have much more freedom at some point in the not-so-distant future. Which sucks and is exciting at the same time. I'm allowed to feel both those things, right??
I think ahead, and see my entering the real world as Shannyn as just a matter of time. It's not a matter of IF anymore. I'm going to get my chance to see what it really feels like. It may scare the crap out of me. I hope not. A dear friend who is transitioning gave simple advice recently, saying, "you've got to get out. somewhere small, like a coffee shop. see how you like it". That was it. No big production. Just go. It could be for 5 minutes. That's what I want to do now. Just go. Ok, I'm changing the title of the post.
If you read this, and at all can, take a moment to comment. I so desire feedback from others like me. I've got great friends online, and they encourage me. I'd really like to know what people think of what I have to say and share. Even if it's bad. Well, easy on the bad stuff. Please though, reach out.
I was just thinking, wouldn't it be interesting to reach a point where I was so used to wearing my feminine clothes that I forget about it altogether. Everything right now is either guys' or girl's'. My shirts are guys'. My jeans can be either. My shoes are girls'. And so on. I wonder will I reach the point someday that it doesn't even occur to me to think about what gender's clothes I'm wearing. At that time, will it just because of me, or society as a whole, i.e. genderless.
Genderless will be a long way off, I believe. Not likely in my lifetime. And how far I get, who knows. I'm still in the infant stages, even though I've been wearing women's clothes for over 30 years, off and on. The steps are small, but seem to happen a bit quicker now.
I think things are happening because I finally just want them to. I'm not as afraid of it. Right now, my living situation is in limbo, in terms of who is and isn't living with me. It seems I will have much more freedom at some point in the not-so-distant future. Which sucks and is exciting at the same time. I'm allowed to feel both those things, right??
I think ahead, and see my entering the real world as Shannyn as just a matter of time. It's not a matter of IF anymore. I'm going to get my chance to see what it really feels like. It may scare the crap out of me. I hope not. A dear friend who is transitioning gave simple advice recently, saying, "you've got to get out. somewhere small, like a coffee shop. see how you like it". That was it. No big production. Just go. It could be for 5 minutes. That's what I want to do now. Just go. Ok, I'm changing the title of the post.
If you read this, and at all can, take a moment to comment. I so desire feedback from others like me. I've got great friends online, and they encourage me. I'd really like to know what people think of what I have to say and share. Even if it's bad. Well, easy on the bad stuff. Please though, reach out.
to you Shannyn when we first met i new you would someday be here and i see you becoming the beautiful woman you can be so yes you need to go out start living as shannyn who you really are and donT let anyone or thing stop you from becoming the beautiful woman i have come to know
ReplyDeleteYour friend is right, keep it simple. But, keep your resolve. Keep it real in your mind what kind of things you could expect to encounter because well, it's still just ordinary life in the world of people. My first outing was supposed to not have any human encounter except at one point there was a very low probability and sure enough it happened and in a now very funny way. But at the time it was enormous and very impactful to my resolve to keep at it. Now I move about at work with ease as my authentic self in less than a year from that first step out.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the encouragement. I'd love to hear more abut your story. It says anonymous, so if you are a friend already, I cant tell, but if not, I'd like to learn more about you. It really helps me and others to hear success stories. And also to learn the pitfalls.
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