Wonderful week, part 2

Normally, I don't mention reading previous posts (although I hope you do), but in this case, you might want to read this one before reading this newer one.

After my wonderful Monday, I knew I was ready for more. I had already mentioned to my counselor I see weekly that I might want to take advantage of the opportunity to show her Shannyn, as opposed to the DUDE she sees every week. My plan was to test the waters, and then decide for sure. After taking a break on Tuesday (I was tired, probably all the adrenaline of Monday wore off), on Wednesday morning I texted my counselor to say I'd see her later, and that I would look "a bit different".

Different is definitely how I looked. I wore the outfit I had been hanging onto since "Wednesday". Plus my secret weapon, the new cardigan sweater. Again I struggled with eye makeup, but I got it done. I had all day to get ready, since I was working from home. I casually bathed, shaved and got ready slowly throughout the day. So, when the time came, I was ready.

Or ALMOST ready. This is pretty funny, and I could've been mortified when I realized it, but I just laughed. In getting all the girl aspects ready as best I could, I neglected one thing that I do everyday, regardless of gender: I FORGOT TO PUT ON DEODORANT!!! Oh. My. Goodness. LOL. Luckily, I was very clean and didn't sweat. Nothing was getting to me this day. The session was only an hour. Lots of AC in the car. Could only happen to me, I swear.

Anyyyywayyy...made the long drive to the counseling office. Just me time. Listened to pop music the whole way. Just as I was getting there, heard the somewhat-old song "Smile" by Vitamin C. Anyone remember that one? Here ya go. That one reminded me that to present myself best, to approach "passing", I needed to smile and appear confident. I was happy, and I was confident, so I smiled. No fear. SOOOOO exhilarating!! When I reached the point of no return (too far from home to turn back without missing the session and paying the full cost of missing without notice), that was a cool moment. It was happening.

The next best part was climbing the set of stairs to the second-floor office. It was a different but great feeling as my legs ascended the steps and swished against my denim skirt. That was pretty cool. Girls, you know what I mean if you've ever done that. I went into the office's little waiting area and sat confidently until my counselor came out to get me.

Turns out she had been doing a small group or family session right before mine, I think with another counselor too. So several people came out of the door, not just a couple. I figured there would be someone there besides her, since there usually is. They left fairly quickly, so I didn't get a chance to engage. I think I would've had the chance been there. I respect folks' privacy, so didn't say anything. I just smiled.

My counselor greeted me just as always. She didn't act any differently, and really we didn't focus on my appearance in the session. We did talk about how I'd gotten the courage to come as Shannyn, etc., so there was a focus on it that way. The thing that struck me part way through was this felt all so NORMAL. I mean, she's professional, so we don't exactly exchange fashion tips anyway, so there was no comment either way on whether I looked good or bad or ugly. It was just the regular conversation, and I think that was good.

That was basically it for the night. I did hit the Mickey D's drive through on the way home, partly for the experience, partly because I was hungry!

So, what are the takeaways from this experience? After a couple days to reflect, I think the ideas of Monday's outing were reinforced. I was OK with myself, the way we all should be. It's sometimes an elusive feeling, especially when you aren't "normal". The ability to sit and talk with another human being, dressed as I feel I want to be, was very rewarding. She is paid to listen to me, and is a professional, but I think had it been the terrible thing that fear tells you it can be, I'd have noticed SOMETHING to detract from the experience.

I guess that's the biggest thing. The same person that has been to see her every week was the same one that she saw this week. Except maybe this week there was more happiness. I can't wait until next time to see how she perceived me. That was a goal, to see what she thought about my demeanor, etc. I purposely didn't ask her anything about that time. Bottom line, I felt like ME. A happy me. I knew I was in there. And I want to not be stuck inside so much anymore. I can achieve.

The sub-title of this blog is "A tale about discovering. About hoping. About striving. And hopefully, about achieving." With that in mind, let me take a quick inventory based on these two incredible days:

discovering - ✅. definitely learned a lot.
hoping - ✅. some hopes became actualized.
striving - ✅. I reached out, with the determination we all have inside, and got where I wanted to go.
achieving - ✅✅✅✅✅. I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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