Four Stages

It occurred to me today that in interactions with other girls of my persuasion, there are many different dynamics that can exist between us and our female significant others. It seems everyone I talk to has circumstances that are just a little different. But there are definite trends. So after some thought, I came up with what I think are four benchmarks, or stages, that describe where many of us stand with our wives or girlfriends.

As always, I'd LOVE to get feedback on this topic, so COMMENTS ARE WELCOME.

I should mention that maybe there is a fifth stage, Stage Zero if you will, in which the significant other knows nothing of a girl's true gender/sexuality. However, the 4 main stages, as I see them, are:

1. Awareness. She knows you crossdress in some way or form. This can include the sexual component, but let's stick to gender identity and dressing as our true selves.
2. Tolerance. Or Acceptance. She is willing to put up with your shenanigans (I like to call them Shannynigans). But she doesn't like it one bit. This could extend to the "do what you want, but I don't want to see it" types.
3. Encouragement. She knows, and she's ok with it. She knows it makes you happy. She might even desire you to be this way, though that tends to stray into...
4. Attraction. She not only likes it, she LOVES it. She is sexually attracted to you in your feminine form.

Obviously, Stage 4 is the top of the mountain. I can't think of a scenario that would be better for a trans girl or crossdresser. If there is one, I want to hear about. It would have to be GLORIOUS.

If I had to rate my situation on this little scale, I would need to put it at maybe 1.5. What I do outwardly is tolerated, but probably because there isn't much choice. I'm feeling my way towards an appearance that gets closer to my ideal. I'm very far from that ideal, but it's inching in the right direction. My relationship might be inching (or leaping) in the opposite direction. It could be considered acceptance, but it's definitely not a desired acceptance on her part.

Should acceptance be a different stage from tolerance? I'm not sure. I'm not trying to make this definitive. Just a bit of food for thought created to start discussion. Thanks for reading. I'll be watching the comments section.

Comments

  1. I'm sure volumes could be written (and probably have been in scholarly circles) regarding these dynamics. And even within each "stage" there are a million varying degrees. No two gals like us have the same situation. I think we latch on to what seemingly little commonality we have just to have a feeling of community. Often that feeling is missing in our daily lives. Even when i have tried to set Angie aside, i never feel like i "belong" or "fit in". If not for the internet I know I would feel very alone, even though i have happy and healthy relationships otherwise. Just knowing somebody else is out there who has a chance of knowing how you feel helps a lot.
    But back to your stages comment. I don't know where to put myself. For many I was in the zero point something stage of my wife being not totally unaware, yet not fully aware either. As you know, recently that moved to somewhere in the 2ish range, though the agreement is that I not be Angie in front of her. I honestly never see moving into the 3 range. I can dream that someday i would make a comment on something in a catalogue that i think is lovely, and it magically shows up for me as a gift... but i really don't think that day will come. Moving from one stage to another is difficult (in my estimation) because everyone's limits and comfort levels are different.. and more than that, those limits and comfort levels are subject to change, UP or DOWN. One of the biggest fears I have is that something is said or done that really strikes my wife the wrong way and I she says something like "I know I said I was ok with this, but I really never was" or "it was ok at the time, but now that I see you doing X, it really bothers me and I need you to quit doing this now."
    I guess I just have to stay cognoscente of her reactions and do my best to avoid creating opportunity for conflict. I know that means not being as "out there" as I might want to be. But life always ends up being a series of compromises. I can't dress like a supermodel and live on the beach.. but then again who can? Supermodels.. that's it.
    So, stages are maybe interesting to discuss in an academic sense, or to help us gauge how far we have come vs how far we hope to go in this journey some day. But don't get hung up on the comparisons.
    Live YOUR journey.
    Make the most of it.
    Show love as often as you can.
    Be as lovable as you can.

    And stay FABULOUS!

    Hugs!
    Angie

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