What's New, Scooby Doo?
Let's see. I haven't written in a while, but seeing as I'm here waiting on adulting junk to happen (no, that's not a sexual reference), I figured why not do some stream-of-consciousness rambling. Everybody likes a rambler, right? Ask Waylon or The Allman Brothers if you don't believe me.
I have been doing lots that seems like progress, but maybe isn't all that visible. Yet. I've made the decision to see if I'm approved for low dose HRT. My appointment is in ten days. It's very exciting, but I'm nervous. Working on a letter to the doc from my counselor last week was like bizarro world. The good counselors want your input, and especially if they haven't written many before. But anyway, I'm there like, "am I really pursuing this?" Yes, yes I am.
I've been toying with going for hormones seriously for months now, but hadn't pulled the trigger due to several factors, including discretion, finances, etc. I'm not ready to let my wife know anything yet. I want to try and see what the effects are for a bit first, and if they do what they are capable of, then there's a BIG talk to be had. But if I get nothing out of it, why stress an already very stressed out wife even more?
So, that's the big thing in my life. I still interact with friends online, learning, laughing, with an aim to bringing me more to the surface. I know it's not healthy to not be in the real world very much. I'm getting more comfortable with the idea of dressing more femme in public. It's really no big deal, though I can't say I'm ready to wear a dress in broad daylight yet. I have gotten new glasses, the sunglasses pair are a women's frame. That's pretty cool. And I plan to start using mascara daily, as the new frames are a lot different anyway. I can slide in more awesome lashes and likely nobody notices. How many people really look into our eyes?
This past week I wore the compression workout capris that I had bought, on a whim, out in public. First was at my local park, and the next day, to my gym. Nobody said a word. They either don't notice or don't care. I've browsed in the women's sections at places like Forever 21 and Macy's recently, and it gets easier and easier. I even checked with a sales lady at Macy's about trying some stuff on, and while she did point me to the men's fitting rooms, she didn't look at me funny or anything like that.
I tell ya, the pressures we feel to not be ourselves come from within. We think all eyes are on us, and they really aren't. Again, if I were to wear a dress somewhere, then yeah, that's noticable. Would somebody say something, or would it just be in my head? I would've thought, in the recent past, for sure someone would say something, but now I feel less like that's guaranteed. That's progress.
A friend has helped me lately about my worries on lots of stuff. I'm getting more like most things we worry about don't ever happen, and the stuff that does happen isn't as bad as we thought it would be. I did listen, and I think I'm better able to actualize that. That's huge. I hope that other people, no matter what it is, don't stress about stuff like I have. I think I'm improving. Anyone can.
I gotta give complete credit to my friend Erica for this next thing, among other stuff. She and some other girls on hormones have helped me think things through, and it's wonderful to have support from those that have or are going through it. Anyway, the other day she shared a wonderful song, that says so much about all of us. It's amazing how someone who loves us can see us differently than we see ourselves. It's a cool concept, and I thought I'd share the link to the song here.
Flora Cash - You're Somebody Else
Check the lyrics and see what they mean. It can be interpreted different ways, I think. I get a cool vibe from it as to trans people. Most people are not what they are going to be in the future. Everybody changes, but does any group change more than trans people who allow themselves to? I just thought it was awesome, and I appreciate a friend sharing it with our group.
That's it for now I guess. I hope this post reaches you in a period of hope, a spirit of growing, and that you feel love. And if it doesn't, you gotta believe that these things are right around the corner. They really are. Love somebody. They will love you back.
I have been doing lots that seems like progress, but maybe isn't all that visible. Yet. I've made the decision to see if I'm approved for low dose HRT. My appointment is in ten days. It's very exciting, but I'm nervous. Working on a letter to the doc from my counselor last week was like bizarro world. The good counselors want your input, and especially if they haven't written many before. But anyway, I'm there like, "am I really pursuing this?" Yes, yes I am.
I've been toying with going for hormones seriously for months now, but hadn't pulled the trigger due to several factors, including discretion, finances, etc. I'm not ready to let my wife know anything yet. I want to try and see what the effects are for a bit first, and if they do what they are capable of, then there's a BIG talk to be had. But if I get nothing out of it, why stress an already very stressed out wife even more?
So, that's the big thing in my life. I still interact with friends online, learning, laughing, with an aim to bringing me more to the surface. I know it's not healthy to not be in the real world very much. I'm getting more comfortable with the idea of dressing more femme in public. It's really no big deal, though I can't say I'm ready to wear a dress in broad daylight yet. I have gotten new glasses, the sunglasses pair are a women's frame. That's pretty cool. And I plan to start using mascara daily, as the new frames are a lot different anyway. I can slide in more awesome lashes and likely nobody notices. How many people really look into our eyes?
This past week I wore the compression workout capris that I had bought, on a whim, out in public. First was at my local park, and the next day, to my gym. Nobody said a word. They either don't notice or don't care. I've browsed in the women's sections at places like Forever 21 and Macy's recently, and it gets easier and easier. I even checked with a sales lady at Macy's about trying some stuff on, and while she did point me to the men's fitting rooms, she didn't look at me funny or anything like that.
I tell ya, the pressures we feel to not be ourselves come from within. We think all eyes are on us, and they really aren't. Again, if I were to wear a dress somewhere, then yeah, that's noticable. Would somebody say something, or would it just be in my head? I would've thought, in the recent past, for sure someone would say something, but now I feel less like that's guaranteed. That's progress.
A friend has helped me lately about my worries on lots of stuff. I'm getting more like most things we worry about don't ever happen, and the stuff that does happen isn't as bad as we thought it would be. I did listen, and I think I'm better able to actualize that. That's huge. I hope that other people, no matter what it is, don't stress about stuff like I have. I think I'm improving. Anyone can.
I gotta give complete credit to my friend Erica for this next thing, among other stuff. She and some other girls on hormones have helped me think things through, and it's wonderful to have support from those that have or are going through it. Anyway, the other day she shared a wonderful song, that says so much about all of us. It's amazing how someone who loves us can see us differently than we see ourselves. It's a cool concept, and I thought I'd share the link to the song here.
Flora Cash - You're Somebody Else
Check the lyrics and see what they mean. It can be interpreted different ways, I think. I get a cool vibe from it as to trans people. Most people are not what they are going to be in the future. Everybody changes, but does any group change more than trans people who allow themselves to? I just thought it was awesome, and I appreciate a friend sharing it with our group.
That's it for now I guess. I hope this post reaches you in a period of hope, a spirit of growing, and that you feel love. And if it doesn't, you gotta believe that these things are right around the corner. They really are. Love somebody. They will love you back.
<3
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