You Know What Sounds Naughty But Isn't?

Man box.

Pause.

What are the chances you thought it means what I'm about to define it as? Slim, I bet. Unless you've been eavesdropping on my counseling sessions. Which...if you have...we are gonna have WORDS.

Kidding. Sorta.

Anyway, my counselor and I often talk about the stereotypical male, and occasionally the stereotypical female. We call it the box. Do you fit in the box, or not? Should you, or not? What are the realities of dealing with the box?

In my case, its the man box I struggle with. I have never completely fit into the box, and it's caused a lot of strife. I wish I was a person who just did what I want to do, society be damned. But I'm not built that way. I am concerned with the thoughts and feelings of others. Supposedly, I'm very selfish, but if I truly were, would I give a moment's thought about what other people thought of my actions and desires?

If you're reading this, does it sound like you at all? If so, we should talk. I know how you feel. I'd like to know how others deal with not quite fitting into the box others would want us to be in.

The man box, of course, doesn't really exist. But it is a concept. Right now I'm imagining it kinda like a strike zone in baseball. The rulebook defines it's parameters pretty rigidly, but everyone knows no two umpires see it the same. And they sure don't see it the same as the hitters, or the pitchers. Your fastball on the corner might be 2 inches outside, depending on our perspectives.

I see the man box as as this loose framework of perceived,  typical male behavior. Kinda fuzzy on all edges, tending to drift slightly up, down, left or right depending on who is describing it. I think if you asked a hundred people, no two would define this box exactly the same. But there would be themes. It's those themes that are used to paint the male picture.

So what happens if you don't fit in the man box? What happens if you don't fit in the female box, for that matter? Or any box for any facet of life? I'd like to fit into the rich box, but I don't ever see that happening. I'm really skilled at staying in the "not rich" box.

I'm not sure I have any overall point here. It's been a while since I've written anything, so this is as good a restart as any.

The odd thing is, 6 or 7 weeks into the "E", I have drifted back toward the man box, and it's ok, surprisingly. I'm calmer in general, and so having pulled back on feminine habits like body shaving or wearing women's undies (or over-ies, lol, is that a word?), it's surprising in that I would have expected the opposite.

I've lowered my expectations, and even though maybe it's avoidance, or a cop out, it has simplified things for now, oddly enough made more tolerable by the calming, or at least perceived calming, effect of changing hormonal levels in my body. I'd have thought if anything, I'd want more feminine, not less.

I expect the feminine leanings to return. So far in my life they always have. I hope that when they do, I'm blessed to better embrace and enjoy them, instead of having so much consternation inside about how these feelings don't fit inside the man box. I know that I truly enjoy the feminine. Reincorporating those things that I enjoy, I hope, will be more pleasure than pain.

In short, so far, the hormones are working as I hoped. Less tug of war between body and mind. Calmer. Ability to work, and be around family, and not stress so bad, so often. So, I'll keep going. Who knows what's next?

Steady as she goes, Captain.

Take care, all.