Upswing
I ain't gonna lie. I've been tough on myself today. It actually started last night, and I'm still not sure why. I seem to have been refusing to see the positive in anything.
Mostly, I've felt sadness. Seemingly out of nowhere. Ever have one of those days? It makes no sense. I've been so consistently okay the last few months. A friend suggested maybe I'm hormonal. I could be, but it doesn't make sense. Taking pills everyday to control hormones has kept me even keel. I know there are other hormones, though, so maybe.
I'm writing this to see if I can work through what's going on. I had a good weekend. The family, despite it's permanently fractured status, got along well. We interacted and it was good. My wife and I worked a lot on clearing out clutter in our kitchen. We didn't act as if it's prepping for future separation, though in my heart I know it kinda is.
So why did I suddenly go get in bed at 8 pm last night? It was a restless night, and though I felt tired, I didn't actually sleep until much later. I tried a few different things to distract myself, like watching an old ballgame on YouTube, listening to podcasts, Words With Friends. Eventually, I slept, and hoped I'd be fine in the morning. Nope. Not yet.
I must say the sadness feels a little less right this moment, and I hope that continues. I wanted to call off work, but I didn't, hoping the routine would help me fight through the doldrums. Even though I wasn't as productive as I could be, maybe it has helped.
I don't have a point here, other than to say, I guess I have kept swimming, and I'm on the upswing, albeit it a slight one. Heck, from the beginning of this post till this sentence, it seems my mood isn't as bad.
As my friend Fred told me this morning, I'm human, and have been doing so much better lately, and that it's inevitable to have a setback now and then. The crater felt real deep at the time, but it's a bit better now.
Why? Who knows. Maybe I'm hormonal, after all.
Mostly, I've felt sadness. Seemingly out of nowhere. Ever have one of those days? It makes no sense. I've been so consistently okay the last few months. A friend suggested maybe I'm hormonal. I could be, but it doesn't make sense. Taking pills everyday to control hormones has kept me even keel. I know there are other hormones, though, so maybe.
I'm writing this to see if I can work through what's going on. I had a good weekend. The family, despite it's permanently fractured status, got along well. We interacted and it was good. My wife and I worked a lot on clearing out clutter in our kitchen. We didn't act as if it's prepping for future separation, though in my heart I know it kinda is.
So why did I suddenly go get in bed at 8 pm last night? It was a restless night, and though I felt tired, I didn't actually sleep until much later. I tried a few different things to distract myself, like watching an old ballgame on YouTube, listening to podcasts, Words With Friends. Eventually, I slept, and hoped I'd be fine in the morning. Nope. Not yet.
I must say the sadness feels a little less right this moment, and I hope that continues. I wanted to call off work, but I didn't, hoping the routine would help me fight through the doldrums. Even though I wasn't as productive as I could be, maybe it has helped.
I don't have a point here, other than to say, I guess I have kept swimming, and I'm on the upswing, albeit it a slight one. Heck, from the beginning of this post till this sentence, it seems my mood isn't as bad.
As my friend Fred told me this morning, I'm human, and have been doing so much better lately, and that it's inevitable to have a setback now and then. The crater felt real deep at the time, but it's a bit better now.
Why? Who knows. Maybe I'm hormonal, after all.
Sorry, friend. We all go through rough patches and they suck. What I try to do when faced with emotional adversity is find something I enjoy and dive into that. Savoring a pleasure can make the rest of life seem more bearable. But I know you're suffering so just do your best. You have my sympathy.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Ally! I'm battling through. The desire to bail on today was high, but I'm pushing through work anyway. I appreciate you lending a kind word.
ReplyDelete