Walk A Mile In Her Heels - Suzi

I've had this crazy idea for a long time now, and only recently have I acted on it, after months of procrastinating. Which was followed by more procrastinating, up until now. But, at least I think I have legit reasons for it. It's just something new, and involves another person's words. I wanted to get it right.

I'm pretty curious about all things trans, as you might've gleaned by now from reading this blog. Unless you've never read it before, to which I say, "What took you so long?" (kidding, sorta). And also, "Welcome! Hope you like it." With that in mind, I often ask other girls about their experiences in femininity, especially those who have done more than me (which is the majority). And so, I am embarking on what I hope is a multi-part series in which I present to you some of the stories from some of the wonderful people I've met along the way.

I like the idea of doing interviews, because otherwise many stories wouldn't get told to a larger audience, since not everyone is a blogger, and often folks don't think their stories are that interesting. I think they are worthy of being told, and quite interesting. Without further ado, let's walk a mile in her heels...with Suzi.


ShannynComesAlive: Hi Suzi. Thanks so much for taking part in my project to share the lives of trans women, so that we all can learn and grow, and most of all, get to know each other better.

I know that you have felt feminine from an early age. Can you describe, in a few sentences, what your first awareness of this was? When did you first realize you were different from other children your age?

Suzi: My first memories regarding femininity was of my sisters things. Her clothes, her dolls, her toys. Everything was just so much more colorful, and playful, and pretty. I knew pretty early on I wasn’t like other boys my age. Like most boys, I got into sports and my father got me into playing hockey when I was 4 or so, but none of the boys I played games with ever talked about dolls, or dresses, so as I grew older, I knew I was different from them in that way, and it was something I grew to know that I had to keep it a secret.

SCA: I'm fascinated by the idea of knowing to keep it a secret at such a young age. It's so common to do that. Do you have any memory of how you decided that you couldn't let it known?

Suzi: I think I kept it a secret then because I didn't want to lose my friends if they found out.

SCA: That makes a lot of sense. I'd like to spend more time on what it's like to live as a trans woman in the present, but in order to get there, can you give a short summary of how you got from your first stirrings of femininity to where you began presenting in public as Suzi?

Suzi: When I was growing up, it was the late 70’s and early 80’s. It was PRE-internet, so I thought there was a chance I was the ONLY person ever who was wanting to wear dresses and makeup. I think I knew there were “performers”, but they were beyond my wildest imaginations. But, at around the age of 12 or 13, I began sneaking out of my parents’ house in girl's/women's things, a REALLY bad wig, and HORRIBLE makeup. It was only for brief moments, maybe a walk around the block or down the alley of our street. I was COMPLETELY and TOTALLY petrified of being caught (and eventually I was a few times), but I felt better being out that way, even if I wasn’t remotely passable.

SCA: What were a few of the early challenges of going against your born gender and forging a life as your true self? How do you think overcoming these challenges might have shaped the woman you have become?

Suzi: Like most of us, I spent my entire childhood, and ½ of my adult life in denial about who I truly was. I thought eventually, I would just become a “man”, like all the other men. I even joined the Air Force to see if they could help me become a man. All the while, I'm still dressing in secret, trying to learn to do things and practicing female mannerisms. I got VERY lucky, and I'll be forever grateful, but when I got out of the service, just by chance (a REALLY bizarre set of circumstances), I met a man. He was quite a bit older, and he just happened to be an admirer of sorts and had helped other people like me in our community (that I didn’t even realize existed). This man was extremely patient, and over time, helped me realize what I probably was. He used to tell me a quote all the time that is simple, but very powerful to me at the same time…..”Not all boys can become men”. That sentence just helped me more and more accept part of who I was, even if I was never interested in SRS or other surgeries to remove or add anything.

SCA: Do you have any funny stories or little incidents that happened early on, that, looking back, you can laugh at from just being new to the experience of living as a girl? Something you might think of yourself, "gosh, I didn't know what I was doing at the time." Or did it come pretty naturally?

Suzi: Dressing as a girl is a CONSTANT learning process. There were a zillion things I did that were completely and totally foolish, and laughable today. I used to fill 2 small water balloons to put into my bra when I was just starting. I'm not sure why, maybe I saw a show or something where someone was doing it, so I did it. And it worked for the first couple times I did it. They jiggled a bit, were somewhat heavy, and actually filled out my bras. Until…… I was at a mall shopping one day, and before I knew it, I had sprung a leak. Well I didn’t feel the water until it was way too late and my entire top was wet, and one bra cup was full and the other bra cup was empty…LOL. And, it was then that I realized I had parked at the whole other end of the mall. As you can imagine I walked, quickly, head down, purse up and covering my chest….thankfully this was all BEFORE cell phones. The lesson I learned that day was to invest in some breast forms, and I did.

SCA: From your experience in talking to other girls who are not full-time, what do you think is the most under-estimated thing that "the rest of us" may fail to consider when it comes to living as a woman, having not started out as one, biologically-speaking?

Suzi: Wow…..this is a hard question to answer. Each of us are at different stages of where we are in terms of presenting as females. The best thing and the one thing I tell every person starting out is to LEARN YOUR MAKEUP. Take a lesson (they are free now at Sephora), watch how it’s applied. Learn your colors. Learn how to wear things that flatter you. Practice your mannerisms, like crossing your legs, carrying your purse, etc. Most of us are NOT petite and bigger overall in general than girls, so learning what to wear and how to carry yourself says a lot about the presentation you are making. And one of the biggest ones for me is that I tell other ladies to dress for where you are going. I cannot stress enough how important that really is. Don’t wear a miniskirt to go grocery shopping. If you are wanting to pass, notice what girls are wearing to the grocery store. Not every trip out of your house as a girl needs to be a trip down the red carpet. Lastly, when you are out, SMILE…. It’s the very first thing a stranger sees on you and it usually makes them feel more at ease.

SCA: I'm sure by now, your daily routine may not even register to you as being different from any other woman. Without getting too personal, are there any secrets you can share about how you get yourself ready to present yourself for interacting out in the world? Things that someone thinking about a transition might not be aware of?

Suzi: Great question, but I'm not sure how to answer it, since a lot of us are at different stages of the spectrum. Some people cant get away with shaving their legs, or underarms. Others cant get their nails done, or ears pierced. For me personally, I work from home almost exclusively, so I have to almost treat it like I'm going into an office on a daily basis…which means showering, makeup, dressing, hair, etc. So, it’s a process, but it works for me and how I have to be or I couldn’t be very disciplined about stuff. I have found that I leave a couple sticky notes on my makeup mirror, that are like little affirmations that I change out regularly. Just something simple, or a little saying to make me smile, giggle, or think. If I see something inspirational, I might write it down and put it somewhere I see it a few times a day for a month or so and then change it out with another…..seems to help my attitude, reminds me to be grateful, and helps me to be happy.

SCA: That's great advice! Thank you again for the glimpse into your history and your life. I, for one, am glad to be able to present your thoughts in a format for others to share in, since you've given me some of the same ideas before, and I've been grateful for that. One last question: can you describe any challenges that you face that might give more insight on the real-life, day-to-day experience of a trans woman?

Suzi: Challenges come in all forms, truthfully......and on a daily basis. Challenges come with "coming out" to family and friends. Challenges come from being "read' when out and about. Challenges come from not being petite, and knowing that when you are in a group of women, and feeling like a bigfoot.  Challenges come in dating, and trying to find a guy who matches what you are seeking.

Most of those challenges are the same that just about everyone deals with on a daily basis.....just in a different reference. For some people the challenge is money, employment, relationships, or activities. 

All I try to do is remain positive and see the good in people, and hope for the best in most circumstances.

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And there you have it. Please let me know how I did, whether it's good or bad, in the comments. I you know another good interview subject, let me know. Always looking for good stories. You can also hit me up on Twitter.

Comments

  1. Good job. Interviews can be revealing and entertaining. This one is both.

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  2. Insightful.. Great job and thank you to Suzi for sharing!

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  3. What a great concept, and thank you for doing so. Yes you did a splendid job.

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