Gender Euphoria

The funny thing is, to-date I have experienced gender euphoria many more times as a man than as a woman. I aim to change that, of course, but it requires time and opportunity. Some of those things I will need to create since life deems to not grant me such wishes without consequence. But, I digress...



This month, my daughter accomplished all of the following: driver's license, 18th birthday, and graduating from high school. Not a bad trifecta, if you ask me. And despite what my family might make me feel about myself, I had a significant role in all that. As a man. I'm not ashamed of that, at all. I'm so proud sometimes I could burst.

My son is younger, but he has now finished middle school and starts high school whenever the chaos deems it safe. His grades are fantastic, just as high or higher than I achieved back when I was a way-less confused teen boy myself. He has a great heart and is good to his mother. I get choked up when I take a minute to think of either of my children.

The point I'm trying to make is that gender euphoria happens every day, to an awful lot of people. Cisgender, bigender, transgender, non-binary, genderqueer, any label you can think of. When something happens where we feel pride, there's a chance it can be called gender euphoria. You might dispute me on that, and it's fine if you do. Maybe if you don't identify with any gender, your proud moments are just your proud moments. And that's pretty awesome just the same.

To no great surprise, I was not contacted about writing an essay on the topic of gender euphoria for the book I mentioned when I wrote On A Good Day. Before I even sent my email to the person coordinating the book idea, I knew the odds were long. She had tweeted out that she's already gotten over 500 submissions and couldn't possibly reply to them all. I gave it a try anyway. I won't lie, it would have been very cool to be chosen. As I mentioned here at the time, the effort is just as worth it as any recognition I might have gotten.

Back to the task at hand. What does gender euphoria mean to me? When I first broached the subject last fall when I wrote my Pink Fog post, it kinda fell into that "cloud" concept. Euphoria and its evil nemesis Dysphoria (almost sounds like a comic book villain, doesn't it?) are ends of yet another spectrum. Today we discuss the good stuff.

Webster's dictionary defines euphoria as "a feeling of well-being or elation". In the time since I wrote that pink fog post, I have seen the term used more, and have used it myself. I mostly see it when a trans girl describes a new outfit, or a great makeup job, or being accepted by family, friends, or their job. Among many other subjects. You can feel their joy. If they share a picture or video, you can see it.

For me, I had to think about it a little, looking at it from who I am now, a trans woman. No longer will I be pinning my euphoric moments with the male side of the equation. Let's face it, I had a lot of luck in anything I achieved as a man. And Grace. I consider it a minor miracle I even was able to help conceive two children. It was God's will, but then, most things are, if you ask me.

So what are gender euphoria moments like for me these days? Taking the "it's the little things" concept forward here, I see things like:

💗 - recognizing my clarity of mind, and realizing how much of that is due to life-changing hormone replacement. It's impossible to overstate this. It makes me smile to contrast where I was pre-hormones.

💗 - watching my lengthening hair, especially when it falls in my face. Sometimes it practically stabs me in the eye. And I LOVE IT! I actually got "ma'amed" recently while in guy mode, and that's progress!

💗 - being called Shannyn by my doctor and staff, and my counselor Meredith. That's such an amazing thing. I don't really hate my birth name, but Shannyn fits me SO MUCH BETTER.

💗 - shopping for clothes that fit my style. I'm finding my own style. It fits no stereotypes and it's of my own choosing. And it's really still just starting. So many CUTE CLOTHES to be had!

💗 - This may seem weird, but I still love it. I actually enjoy laundry, and I enjoy it a lot more when I'm including my women's clothes. I hang most things to dry, and despite my family's aversion to seeing them, I often grin when I see a skirt hanging there next to my drab clothes.

I enjoyed reading the few comments I got from folks when I asked for feedback on what gender euphoria means to them. I'd love to read more. From the simplicity of the feeling when slipping on new heels to the psychological impact of realizing we don't actually even have to choose a gender after years of trying to figure one's self out, it's all equally valid. And FANTASTIC! Gender euphoria is merely a subset of human euphoria, of human joy. And every single one of us wants as much as we can get. So, GO GET IT!