A Time To Live

I went to see the new James Bond movie No Time to Die today. It was an adventure of a day, containing two new experiences for me. The first was seeing a movie in a theater dressed as my true self, and the second was braving the ladies' room at Target.

I'm still not at the point where I can just, you know, GO. But I can say it gets easier each time. I have had this weekend targeted for a couple weeks now as to actually go see a movie as my true self. And it came together. The hardest part, truly, was getting past possible negative responses from those in my household for me going out "en femme". Now that I'm home, and everything has come off and I've turned back into a pumpkin, I can fully relax again.

I prepared for the day, actually, by heeding the advice of my counselor Meredith to practise my makeup. I did so twice during the week, so today turned out to be easier, and I didn't dread the attempt. I have a bit of a phobia about donning makeup, so the practise has helped. I hope to do more in the coming days and weeks until I actually start to improve with it.

I was just slightly out of sorts as I got ready though, so much so that when I left, I forgot to take my glasses and had not put on any lipstick. Luckily I had some in my purse and I didn't need to come back to the house. My femme appearance is frowned upon at home, so I minimized the chance I would be seen. I did get some less than spectacular pictures, one of which I will post here, so you can see the outfit at least.

I waited until almost the last minute before buying tickets online, thus not locking myself in until I was ready, and not going to chicken out. I thought about that only briefly after not being really happy with my appearance. I did the best I could and decided to move forward. I'm glad I did.

I think I probably could have just gone to the movie for free since when I got there, I didn't have to even stop before entering my theater. Not like the pre-pandemic days where someone checked your ticket. So, I just confidently strode in, not too fast, not too slow, and that was it. When I got inside, an older couple had sat where my seat was, but the theater was nowhere near full so I just sat in the row behind them.

I experienced no hostility, and I didn't make much eye contact, so things went really well. It might have been my imagination, but I thought I heard the male of the couple behind me say one that "the world keeps getting stranger" or something to that effect. If they meant me, I'll never know, and I didn't dwell on it.

I was bound and determined not to have to use the restroom while I was there. I wasn't prepared to go inside the ladies' room at the theater, despite the movie being almost three hours. Somewhere during the movie, I decided I would go to Target afterward and use the family restroom there.

Except...when I got to Target, there was no family restroom where I thought there was one. I had the usual two choices, and ladies felt better than gentlemen, so in I went. Straight to a stall, out and washed hands, no eye contact. Other than my earring falling out during all this, it was fine, no big deal. The room was fairly busy, and I heard several little girls while I was in the stall, but I couldn't stay in there forever, so I got through it. I was no threat, and hopefully was not perceived as one, if anyone actually noticed.

And that was it really. It was a day where I knocked down not one but two barriers, and I know my confidence will grow going forward, and my relaxation/confidence levels will increase. If I had any real complaints from the afternoon, it would only be the end of the movie. I was not pleased with how it ended!