Thursday, November 22, 2018

I'd Like To Thank The Academy....

Not Really. As if I'd win something. Pfft.

The reason I came up with that silly title is because, in thinking of how to write this post, it became a thing where I want to thank individuals instead of being generic, as I usually am. I've mentioned friends before, but not often. I try to write without specifically mentioning people, since not everyone is as public as I am in regards to this part of their lives. Many in my community outright require complete anonymity, and I am, of course, good with that.

Many of the names I will mention here aren't real, legal names. So I think we're mostly covered in the anonymity department. Every single person has, however, been REAL and true to me. Even if I didn't get along with someone, I still learned something from them. Also, just like anyone who has ever written a speech thanking anyone, people get left out. I really fear this, but you know what, I'm not perfect, and if I don't name you, I truly didn't intend leave you out. An awful lot of people have been part of my progress over the last year. As I write this, I'm curious to see how many names I actually end up with.

The first person that comes to mind is James. We've known each other quite a while now, and your belief in me, the potential you see and support you give, consistently, is truly appreciated. You were the one who put me in contact with Tanya, and that, my friend, is just totally immeasurable in how much it means.

Tanya, I met you when I had just hit a new low, having lost my job for the second time in a little over two years. I got worse from that day for a little while; I sank to depths that scare me to think about. You've been truly like a sister. There is no one on this earth that knows more about me than you. We've had so many good times this past year or so, and I have learned that I needn't doubt our friendship. I'm sure others would agree that I'm pretty self-doubting, but you haven't shied away from me. I've gotten better, and I hope to keep showing you my best, so we can keep being the best of friends. Can't wait to get out there dressed with you after so long. It's coming, sis!

I'm also very thankful for Angie. I've known you for probably close to two years now, and I think we always liked each other. But the last little while, for me at least, the friendship has skyrocketed, and I am so happy about that. You are the funniest person I know, and you really prop me, and many others, up with your wit. Beyond that, you have a caring heart, and much like Tanya, have a good compass of where you are with things related to femininity. You're both strong examples of knowing balance. I learn from you all the time. You might not realize it, but it's true.

Three people I'm thankful for, I don't get to really interact with much now, if at all. Dee, I miss you and hope you are truly doing alright. Your courage to become yourself in the face of great adversity is inspiring. I wish you had time for me still. Hannah, I know you are out there, you've shared very few words over email the past few weeks, and I worry about you. I'm thankful for our friendship, and I'm always here when you need me. Mandy, my younger friend from the beautiful northwest, I'm thankful for your spirit. You are a dedicated partner to your wife and a hard worker, and very strong. You also have a wonderful youthfulness that I really enjoy. The song suggestions and just general banter has been really fun. I hope you are doing well, and look forward to interacting more.

Trying to include everybody without overlooking someone is tough. I already know I'm running long, and am going to leave people out. Two people with a St. Louis connection are next. Suzi, thanks for your encouragement of my blog that very few people read, and so much else. You show everyone around you that you can live a classy and complete life as a woman. You also have shown me that just because you are a woman, you don't need to give up on all of the more "male" things we might enjoy. Many talk about those subjects all the time, but you are different in that you are out there in the world and really walking the walk, so to speak. And to Kara (or whoever you choose to be, lol), thank you for sharing your story and your journey with me so far. You are going about things so well, and I'm glad to see that. Even if I never get to accomplish much more myself, you are among the special ladies I will always be cheerleading for.

I'm going to just name names now. All of you I enjoy spending time with, and each of you has brought a lot to my world. I learn from everyone, and am glad to be there for any of you that ever needs someone to talk to. Here goes. Obviously, Rue and Crafty. Thanks for steering the ship and overlooking my occasional lapses in judgement. Fred and Michele, you do a great service and are also both friends to me. Mike. Samantha. Even you, Jon and Eric. Kimmi, Lynn, Samantha, Melissa, Tammy, Ellie, Tom (where did you go?), Jenn(ifer), cookie, sisko, audiojoe (for keeping an eye on my island), fire_n_ice, Ronnie, Lisa, Chrissy, Lucy, Elle, Roxie, TC, Nevada. Every one of you deserves your own paragraph.

Ohhhhh. I know I am leaving people out. Thank God I don't need to actually give speeches in real life.

In my outside life, I am thankful for my job. It's been tough adjusting, working against my own self-doubt, foggy mind (bye bye, sleeping pills), and trying to fit into a group that's been together a long time and are mostly different from me culturally. I am blessed to have what I have, and I'm working hard to keep it.

I am thankful for my parents. My dad is still here after giving us quite a scare this year. My mom, you listened to me when I told you the biggest secret ever. My brother, who due to proximity, is the much better son in making sure my parents are ok.

I am thankful for my kids, both teens now, and still fairly civil people. I know I've been far less than a dad should be, but I am trying. I know you don't understand why I am the way I am, and I hope to be able to do something about that. Because you are loved. I hope you will always love me, no matter who I am.

I'm thankful for my wife. She could have easily thrown me out, or just been awful. We have major philosophical differences, not to mention theological ones. You do still try to help me, and we parent the best we can. It's not fair to you the way I've evolved, and the way I've come apart at the seams. I can only hope that you can see a better person emerging, to whatever degree it might be. Nothing has been intentional. We all are who we are. It's unfair to expect any of us to be something we aren't.

Ok. I'm done now. Thanks for reading.

P.S. - THIS is how you accept an award.

Tuesday, November 20, 2018

Remembrance

Hello. It's been a while since I wrote a proper post here. Truthfully, I haven't felt like I had that much to say that would be helpful to others. I'm not really one to truly toot my own horn, despite the attention hog I might be perceived as by some. I've been working on myself, and trying to be there for others. I feel good about how all that has been going. I'm sure I'll expound on some of it at some point.

Today, I want to focus outward again. It so happens that I learned about the fact that today, November 20, is actually recognized by many people as Transgender Day of Remembrance, or TDoR for short. I had no idea, until friends clued me in this morning. It's been going on since 1999. Here is one link that would help start your learning about this, should you choose:

Tuesday, November 6, 2018

Think Of Me

Today's stuck-in-my-head, brain-worm song.

Think of me when you're lonely
Think of me when you're blue
Think of me when you're far away
And I'll be thinking of you
Remember all of the good times
We had in days gone by
Remember all of the sadness
The day you said goodbye
You told me you would be leavin'
But you wouldn't be gone too long
Now I hope and pray with each new day
That you'll come a-travelin' home
Think of me when you're lonely
Think of me when you're blue
Think of me when you're far away
And I'll be thinking of you
I watch the mailman comin'
I wait by the telephone
I meet the trains down at the station
And I spend my nights alone
But now the waitin' is over
And Time has set the scene
'Cause God meant me for only you
And he meant you for me
Think of me when you're lonely
Think of me when you're blue
Think of me when you're far away
And I'll be thinking of you
Songwriters: Don Rich / Estella Olson
Think Of Me lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC