Fighting Back

It's been a while since I posted anything. At times, I feel like shutting down the blog, and other times I'm glad it's here for me to share when the mood strikes. I hope that the holidays and new year have been good for all or most of you. They were mostly a non-event for me, and I'm glad to have made it into the new year with most of my sanity intact.

I currently, and for the next month or so, am living at my house alone. Well, the dog and one of the cats are still here. The people who used to live here, except me, now don't. It's been a few weeks and has been quite the adjustment.

One by one they moved along, to stay with my wife's relatives. First my daughter, 19, then some weeks later my son, who is 16. A couple weeks after that, just before Christmas, my wife got settled and began sleeping elsewhere, too. That's hard after 23 years but was inevitable. Now it is I who need to vacate the premises. I can't stay here, and so am looking for someplace to go.

I met up with a couple of trans folks this past weekend about a room they have for rent. It was really nice meeting them, and I overcame the anxiety of the past week to do so. I came away with a really good vibe about the situation, and just probably need to pull the trigger to say that I want the room. I think it's the best I can hope for right now as my life does a major flip-flop.

Today's blog is called "Fighting Back". I find myself fighting back against the anxiety I have been having for especially the past week. I have had panic attacks this past Thursday and Friday, as well as this morning. Before, in between, and after haven't felt that great either. But, I'm fighting. And that's all I can do really, keep fighting until things improve. I have to keep hope that there is a way out of the predicament I am in. And I think there is.

That's my message to you today. No matter how much stress, anger, sadness, or panic might get you, the feeling subsides, and you live to fight some more. All of these negative emotions can be debilitating, but they also can be overcome. I need to remember this the next time I'm writhing on the floor in seemingly endless agony, too.

Gosh, the recent panic attacks were hard. I missed the better of two workdays because of them. I fought it off today, and I am so happy I did. I'd love to hear in the comments how you may have endured a tough situation at some point in your life to see the other side, or at least to fight another day.

And remember, reach out if you can to those around you. I did and am glad I did. I appreciate my friends and family who really were just THERE for me. There are people who care and will acknowledge you. They might not have the answers you seek, but at least you can tell them how you feel and know that you've been heard. It's so important. Reach out to me if you want; I'm here and willing to listen.

I'll end here by posting a picture I took today. Once I got calmed down enough, I decided I needed to see myself in a way that wasn't the same old, same old work-from-home-in-sloppy-clothes way. So I got myself together, and there I was. Fake hair and all! It was me. I'm ok.