Blue Pill, Red Pill
Apparently, this meme exists in many many forms. Often, the red pill has a dollar amount tied to it that would make the recipient quite wealthy, and this number varies. The blue pill seems to appeal more to having an ability added like great sex always, or as in the case above, a chance at a life "do-over". Writing about this question occurred to me today when I saw it in a tweet; the age you start over at was 6, and the dollar amount is a mere $10 million.
When I saw 6, I thought that was very enticing. 10 might be better in my case though. Many transgendered and gender fluid or questioning people I've conversed with expressed that their change in course started around the time of puberty. Still, others have the "been this way since birth" vibe. None of these is wrong at all. We are all different, of course.
So, how WOULD you answer this question? My theme here ids people dealing with the gender spectrum, but I'm curious about any and all answers. The comments here are open, feel free to add yours. I'm genuinely interested.
As for myself, the idea of starting again at 6 with all I have learned about myself but yet a very young body that could be drastically changed in the pre-pubescent days by blocking male puberty altogether seems extremely enticing. I'm kinda used to not having money, and so peace of mind is what I covet most in this life.
I immediately thought to myself that going back would be my choice. Then, I thought some more and wondered what I could do with the money to go into the future. Tem million dollars could do SO MUCH for me, as it could for most of us. The physical issues I have that prevent me from looking my best could, for the most part, be eliminated. I could have a better diet. I could work less or not at all, freeing time for more focused exercise, travel, and just experiencing life. And one more thing it would allow for...
My kids would still exist. No matter what they thought of me, they'd still be here. Even though we can't know what the future would be like if it was restarted at any given point, it's pretty safe to say that had I known what I know now, I'd have not grown up the same way. I'd have somehow embraced myself earlier, knowing who I was, and going forward. There is very little chance I'd have believed that, if I just marry a female everything will be fine and the desire to dress feminine would be gone forever.
On the other hand, had I had that knowledge at age 6, I'd have been in 1980, or 1984 were I to reboot at 10. The world was a greatly different place then. I could list a million differences, but the biggest probably would be the acceptance of LGBTQ folks, the knowledge of how to treat them medically and psychologically, and so on. Not to mention the idea of, were I to start over, knowing ALL I know now, that would include knowledge of my kids, right? It wouldn't be where I could be selective about what I knew.
Any of us could think ourselves in circles on the topic. I just thought it was an interesting exercise for the brain. I think it can help one to put things in perspective. I'll leave you with this article regarding where this meme supposedly came from, which is the movie The Matrix. The two authors really duke it out in arguing both sides. I'm not surprised to learn I have no memory of this, despite the fact I saw the movie. It's just my way.
https://www.wired.com/story/matrix-red-pill-vs-blue-pill/
So that's it. Again, I request your comments below. I want to read them, and others who read this post would love a perspective other than mine, too.
Okay, first I did not know until late in life about my true gender identity. As you said we are all different.
ReplyDeleteTo answer the question. I do not wish for a do over. One life lived is enough for me. That leaves the money. I do not want to be rich. Does 10 million make one rich? Too rich for me. Let me have enough for my needs and a few of my desires and I would be satisfied.
In the end it is all fairy tale, especially the do over.
I agree with Stephie. No do-overs for me. Mainly because i would not want to miss having my daughter. But beyond that i think about having to (not getting to)... HAVING to revisit every decision i have made since that age. I'm not wise enough to know that another choice was always better or worse... so I could end up in a worse place, and wishing for another do over, or wishing I had never gone back. I would take the money, if it were offered. Can always do some good for myself or others with it. Mostly i just want to be present and at peace in the moment.
ReplyDeleteGreat job as always, Sis.
This is a fun mental exercise. Stephie and Angie do give good perspectives. No I would not trade my family for anything. It would be a hard pill to swallow, literally, to think about my current life as is being erased by swallowing either one of these pills.
ReplyDeleteI sure as hell do not want to go through high school again - there was enough there that I did not enjoy. But then again, knowing all of that going into HS would allow me to navigate things differently... but no thank you.
Back to 45 would be 8 years ago - with my first child having just been born. I really enjoy her much more now than us being first time parents learning on the fly... $10 million would have allowed us to be home as much as we would have wanted - aka most of the time which would have been mostly awesome.
I propose a third a pill - the green pill. $2 million, back to being single and still having all the self actualization and knowledge. Now THAT is a tempting pill. It's before getting married the second time so I would not have those entanglements, and I'd be at a point of my genderfluid life that I could freely explore the different possible dating and social situations to see where I truly feel at home. That would be tempting. Could I swallow that pill though???
This is an easy one for me.
ReplyDeleteA jump back to 10 years old is 41 years. A loooong time. I am not sure whether this would entail a reboot of my life from the point when I was ten or a restart in 2020. Both would entail a great deal of uncertainty and quite frankly seem like a lot of work. I think I will pass.
The second option, jump back 6 years to 45 and get 10 million dollars seems like a win win. a no brainer.
However, 6 years takes me back past a major event in my life. 3 years ago, I was diagnosed with cancer and spent roughly the next year in treatment and (yay!) recovery. In the process of doing this, I encountered: 1) a huge outpouring of love and support from family, friends and others 2) a dedicated group of 20+ medical professionals who worked tirelessly to literally save my life. 3) hundreds of truly heart warming and humbling gestures from all corners of my life.
It was one of the most uniformly positive experiences of my life. I would not trade it, even for 10 million dollars and an additional 6 years.
I will pass, but thank you for the offer.