Conspiracy of Love

So, not much has been happening lately.

That's the last lie I'll tell today. LOL.

There has so much, I barely know where to begin. So much that getting my ears pierced on Friday ranks no higher than third on the list of things that have happened in the past 10 days or so since I posted last. Let me just hit the highlights in the order they happened and see how long-winded I am.


Saturday, September 19: The Makeover!

This section fully deserves its own whole blog, but I didn't write one, choosing to revel in the memories all week. Anyone who has read this blog from the beginning, you know how much I have wanted a makeover. I wanted someone skilled to take a stab at making my face the best it can be. From "Wednesday" in 2018 to my "June Freak-out" this summer, and all the times in between, the makeup struggles have been a challenge. Then major progress happened last week. The help I have wanted for so long materialized, and while we have certainly guaranteed I am no beauty queen, the love and effort put in by my incredible family member Kat gave me the glimpses I have needed to see for so long.

People always say I should put pictures on the blog, so now's the time. I am so proud of this picture, I just don't have the words. And I babble for a ... well, not for money but... I babble a lot. I can use my words. I'll just say THANK YOU, KAT!


Big kudos to my cousin Bryce as well, as he put up with us in their living room for a very long time, taking an interest. It had to have been surreal seeing me as a girl for the first time. It was so much fun.

Friday, September 25: Earrings!

I had Friday off from work. I knew I had it for some time, so with it being my birthday the next day, I planned to make the best of it, even if I was on my own. I was only alone physically, and it was a great day, punctuated (or just punctured?) by finally getting my ears pierced again. It's been over 15 years since I had them the first time. I had to overcome the worry of what my wife and kids would say when I got home, and I almost went home after finding the place and price. After some lunch, a few mental exercises, and a firm-but-loving push from my cousin Jeannine via chat, I made up my mind, told myself to stop thinking about it, went back and got it done. I'm very happy I did. (As of this writing, more than 48 hours later, no one at my house has even noticed (if they did, they aren't letting on). I guess my hair is doing a good camouflage job. Just one in each ear to start. Second piercing in each coming soon.

Saturday, September 26, part 1: The Big Reveal (aka Mission Accomplished)

It took nine months, but if the T.H.S.A.P. was a dragon, it is surely slain now. I woke up at 4 AM, after about 5 hours of sleep, and though I tried to sleep more, I was up for good at 6. A few minutes before 6, I pushed the button. I sent a 5-6 paragraph Facebook post to a carefully selected list of 27 family members. No other friends, certainly no co-workers. I admitted being transgender and kept it a high level and requested discretion in replies, questions directed only to me, etc.

What happened next was beyond anything I could have ever imagined. Just now I literally shook my head as I thought to type, "and it REALLY happened".

Between "likes", comments in the post itself, direct messages, and a few phone calls, I counted responses from 19 of the 27 people on my list. ALL OF THEM were positive. I'd like to give a smattering here...just incredible...

"...very proud of the courage you have had to summon just to write this post let alone live both in and out of your own head for the past 46 years..."

"...love you so much and I’m very proud of you for taking this step..."

"...that must have been a scary post to write. I'm so glad you did, and I'm glad you are happy. I don't care what gender, color, sexual preference you are. If you're a good person, have a good heart, it doesn't matter. I still love you..."

"...Happy BIRTHday..."

There were so many more...some admitted they didn't quite understand what I was going through, but no one said anything remotely negative. Many used my male name, and that's ok too because I didn't get into my name and all that in that setting. It was important to me to not overwhelm anyone. I perhaps did that with my parents in the quest to get them, who already knew, to understand better. Anyway, it was so, so, SOOOO good. I hoped for ONE family member to embrace me. I have a multitude now. The rocket fuel I gained by telling just a few people previously has turned into enough to blast clear into another galaxy now. WOW. Just WOW.

Saturday, September 26, part 2: Conspiracy Revealed!

I responded, I think, to all the comments and messages I received. So many that I risked throwing off my timeline for the rest of the day. There were two targets I had to hit: the first was my DBT therapy group that began that morning, and the visit to Bryce and Kat's immediately after for lunch before they went out of town for the night. I wasn't going to go because of not wanting to crunch them on time, but I was told "but we have a birthday gift" and I immediately recognized it as being important to them. I had no idea what I was in for.

I dressed all in a new casual outfit, including skinny jeans and my cute new baby blue tennis shoes (similar to Keds), and off I went. I picked up some lunch at a burger place I had never had before but is considered one of the best around, and showed up at their place around 1 pm. I had been up 8 or 9 hours already and was riding the adrenaline. The burgers were great, we sat and watched some TV, and once we finished, Bryce says to Kat, "well, should we call Jeannine now?" My curiosity, to say the least, was piqued.

Across the room from where I was sitting, on a hanger propped on a shelf, was a shirt. A nice, short-sleeve checkered guy's shirt. I had made no real notice of it. They get Jeannine on video, Bryce goes over to the shirt and grabs it. I'm like, what is happening here! Long story short, his shirt was a smokescreen for what was underneath.

On Friday, once I knew there was to be a gift, I started to wonder what it might be. I forgot Kat and I had discussed sizes the week before, as we were going to look and see if anything she had but didn't wear that would fit me. We didn't get to that, and I forgot about it. I say that because I had determined that the gift was not likely to be clothing based on a lack of sizing information. I ruled out makeup since she had sent me home with a literal bucket-full after the makeover. I thought, maybe a gift card. But I underestimated these people to a very large degree.

Long story short, the conspirators, of which there were FOUR and not three as was then evident, combined my love of baseball with my feminine self to produce a genuine jersey with my name on it, and the year as the number. The cover shirt was removed and I saw the jersey-front and could tell it was a ladies style. THEN they turned it around and I LOST it. Seeing the name that I love so much on anything is so wonderful, but combining it with one of my passions, was just the ultimate. I am again short on descriptors for the feeling. I cried and cried and I could not hug them tight enough. What an incredible experience. What love from family!

On top of that, the 4th conspirator was revealed to be none-other-than my sister-from-another-mother, Tanya. Seems Jeannine tracked her down and they communicated to determine my size. It was only this morning I remembered the clandestine discussion Tanya and I had earlier in the week. SNEAKY. Just SNEAKY. 

I love them all so. I am overcome with it, still. When I got home, I hung the jersey on my clothes rack, and I can see it from anywhere in my room. I love looking at it. It is so ME. Got my name on it and everything!


Family, friends, I need to wrap this post up...there is so much more, including a very fun chat today with another Tanya, so believe me when I say I felt every message, every emoji. It has been an amazing week or so, and my 46th birthday yesterday is one I will NEVER forget. 

Conspiracy of love, indeed.

Comments

  1. We were so excited to give you this gift! Your reaction was as I imagined, and I’m so glad you love it. We love you! Note- there is a fifth conspirator who was not able to join by video but was very much involved and contributed to the gift. I’m sure you can guess that it was my other brother 🙂.

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    Replies
    1. Oh gosh, I should have realized. I know I heard yu guys say he wasn't much for waterworks, lol, but I failed to realized he would have been in on the gift. Individual thank yous are headed his way!

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  2. What a catalogue of incredible news. A beautiful acceptance from your family and friends.

    PS: I hope your ear piercings settle quickly. So worth having them done.

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