Impulsive
I can remember Christmas, 1990. I had thought I was thinking about 1989, but turns out I was wrong. Don't trust memories folks...Google it! Anyway, that was the year I got my first CD player and CDs. My brother was still on cassettes. That year, he received the first Wilson Phillips album on cassette. I had no idea who they were. I didn't follow pop music at all. All I knew was I didn't like this GUY Wilson Phillips because I had seen the record charts and he was keeping Don Henley out of the top spots. Henley I knew because I had recently turned on the Eagles. So, to me its funny I thought the Wilson Phillips GROUP was actually a solo act and was a guy.
That's just a silly little story. What's it got to do with the theme of this blog, so many years later? I'll tell you what. One word: Impulsive. Song #3 on that Wilson Phillips album. Recently, I've been thinking of my actions in terms of the degree of impulsiveness I had going at the time.
A recent example of "good impulsive" was when I bought a new skirt that I had not been looking for. It just was there as I was in the store that day. As with a lot of shopping when you aren't "out", it consisted of seeing something as you semi-quickly walk through the women's section, leaving the store, thinking on it and going back later to get it. That's often how it goes with me, anyway, although I'm learning to relax more and just shop. Depends on the level of bravery I have at any given moment.
With this skirt, I left it the first day because it was midday and there were lots of shoppers. I went back early the next day because I knew the store would be less crowded, tried the skirt on, found out that, while I liked it, they didn't have my size. Being a chain store, I then went online and found one in my size at another store, ordered it and picked it up that same day. Gotta love technology sometimes!
When I was driving back after getting the skirt, I was talking to my friend and we were talking about how to make this an outfit. That whole exercise, and the purchase itself, were just FUN. I can remember saying in the moment, there is just no denying that I enjoy this. Later, I thought, gosh that was IMPULSIVE. But I loved that it had been. I described all this to my counselor later, and she said I was more CALCULATED than impulsive, at least in this instance. Interesting.
On the flip side, this week I meant to go to the gym before work on Monday, but didn't make it because I just wasn't feeling it in the morning after a tough weekend. I then decided I would go AFTER work. When that time came from, I'm in the car, and come to where I either go right toward the gym, or left towards home. Impulsively, I decide to skip the gym and head home. That's what I call a BAD impulse. Bad impulse #1, as #2 came as I got closer to home and decided to eat fast food. Ugh. So not only did I not exercise, I ate junk. Like I say, bad impulse. My counselor said that I was just trying to be good to myself at the time. I'm not sure I buy that. I wish I had gone to the gym.
Back to the song. This morning it came up on my playlist when I was in the car. You'll note many of my posts have or will come from songs. I think it's healthy to use songs as ways to process your thoughts. I listened to the song, and paid attention to the lyrics. I have heard the song a hundred times, so I basically knew what it was about. While it doesn't exactly fit my recent thinking, since it's about love and not just life, I still think some lyrics stand out:
"I don't wanna think about it,
don't wanna think clear, don't analyze what I'm doing here.
Wanna be impulsive, reckless...."
This is right on the money for me. I want to have that thrill and JOY of the good impulsive act more often. Don't overthink things. See ball, hit ball. I thought the word "analyze" was used well in thar line, too. More lyrics:
"This is not like me to follow my heart so easily.
I am reckless, impulsive."
And there's this one:
"Acting on the moment, it's spontaneous."
I think I'm headed in the right direction in my life (most of the time I think that), and while I love the idea of RECKLESS, I'm apparently too calculated to let that really happen. At least I think so. I want to experience things the way I want them, not how others want me to experience them, or not experience them at all. And I want to have less of the "bad impulsive" moments. I've been working on staying calm in times of turmoil, so hopefully that can become a new norm, where I don't just do something detrimental, even something as small as eating out versus exercising.
I am stuck on the GOOD IMPULSIVE part of me. It was thrilling. I want more of that. Think about it. Maybe you want it, too.
That's just a silly little story. What's it got to do with the theme of this blog, so many years later? I'll tell you what. One word: Impulsive. Song #3 on that Wilson Phillips album. Recently, I've been thinking of my actions in terms of the degree of impulsiveness I had going at the time.
A recent example of "good impulsive" was when I bought a new skirt that I had not been looking for. It just was there as I was in the store that day. As with a lot of shopping when you aren't "out", it consisted of seeing something as you semi-quickly walk through the women's section, leaving the store, thinking on it and going back later to get it. That's often how it goes with me, anyway, although I'm learning to relax more and just shop. Depends on the level of bravery I have at any given moment.
With this skirt, I left it the first day because it was midday and there were lots of shoppers. I went back early the next day because I knew the store would be less crowded, tried the skirt on, found out that, while I liked it, they didn't have my size. Being a chain store, I then went online and found one in my size at another store, ordered it and picked it up that same day. Gotta love technology sometimes!
When I was driving back after getting the skirt, I was talking to my friend and we were talking about how to make this an outfit. That whole exercise, and the purchase itself, were just FUN. I can remember saying in the moment, there is just no denying that I enjoy this. Later, I thought, gosh that was IMPULSIVE. But I loved that it had been. I described all this to my counselor later, and she said I was more CALCULATED than impulsive, at least in this instance. Interesting.
On the flip side, this week I meant to go to the gym before work on Monday, but didn't make it because I just wasn't feeling it in the morning after a tough weekend. I then decided I would go AFTER work. When that time came from, I'm in the car, and come to where I either go right toward the gym, or left towards home. Impulsively, I decide to skip the gym and head home. That's what I call a BAD impulse. Bad impulse #1, as #2 came as I got closer to home and decided to eat fast food. Ugh. So not only did I not exercise, I ate junk. Like I say, bad impulse. My counselor said that I was just trying to be good to myself at the time. I'm not sure I buy that. I wish I had gone to the gym.
Back to the song. This morning it came up on my playlist when I was in the car. You'll note many of my posts have or will come from songs. I think it's healthy to use songs as ways to process your thoughts. I listened to the song, and paid attention to the lyrics. I have heard the song a hundred times, so I basically knew what it was about. While it doesn't exactly fit my recent thinking, since it's about love and not just life, I still think some lyrics stand out:
"I don't wanna think about it,
don't wanna think clear, don't analyze what I'm doing here.
Wanna be impulsive, reckless...."
This is right on the money for me. I want to have that thrill and JOY of the good impulsive act more often. Don't overthink things. See ball, hit ball. I thought the word "analyze" was used well in thar line, too. More lyrics:
"This is not like me to follow my heart so easily.
I am reckless, impulsive."
And there's this one:
"Acting on the moment, it's spontaneous."
I think I'm headed in the right direction in my life (most of the time I think that), and while I love the idea of RECKLESS, I'm apparently too calculated to let that really happen. At least I think so. I want to experience things the way I want them, not how others want me to experience them, or not experience them at all. And I want to have less of the "bad impulsive" moments. I've been working on staying calm in times of turmoil, so hopefully that can become a new norm, where I don't just do something detrimental, even something as small as eating out versus exercising.
I am stuck on the GOOD IMPULSIVE part of me. It was thrilling. I want more of that. Think about it. Maybe you want it, too.
I think i need to be a bit more impulsive as well. I have OFTEN seen something when browsing that just struck me as something i would love, but out of an abundance of caution have passed it by. I did that very thing with a gorgeous pair of red pumps just a few days ago. *sigh*
ReplyDeleteReckless may be a step too far.. but a little "reasoned impulsiveness" might be just the ticket! Hugs!
Yeah, Angie. Reckless sounds fun but by definition includes undue risk. Which ususlly most people dontd need.
ReplyDelete